FKWAR 4.5 *(1/1)*

[Yup, that's right...this is a one-person, one-time, 
*one-ep* little war inspired by some of the frightening 
images raised by my compadres on the spoiler list.]


***IMPLICIT 3RD-SEASON SPOILERS***


***GROSS AND UNAPOLOGETIC CARICATURE AHEAD***


[If either of these disturbs you, or you're just 
feeling sensitive or depressed today, *Go Away Now*!]



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[The scene opens inside the new "Raven."  The Cousins 
approach "LaCroix," who is leaning casually with his 
elbows back against the bar.  They are um... 'slightly 
put off' by his apparently quite jolly mood.]


Cousin 1:  "Um...  Uncle?  What's the plan?"

"LaCroix":  [Eyes open wide in genuine surprise]  "What 
	plan?"

Cousin 2:  "For the war.  What are we going to do to 
	the Knighties this time?"

"LaCroix":  [Thinks for a moment]  "Well, I just got in 
	my special order of purebred longhorn steer blood 
	for Nick-- a prime vintage.  Do you think they'd 
	like some?"

Cousin 3:  [Starting to lose patience]  "We were thinking 
	more of harassment, kidnapping, *torture*!"

"LaCroix":  [Looking concerned]  "Oh... I don't think 
	they'd like that."

Cousin 4:  [Getting really upset]  "They're mortals!  
	They're _Knighties_!  They're *lunch*!"

"LaCroix":  [shakes his head distractedly]  "No thanks, 
	I already ate.  Besides, Nick's rather fond of 
	them...."

Cousin 5:  [Losing it completely]  "*All the more reason!*"

"LaCroix":  "But they're his little mortal friends!  They 
	make him _happy_...."


They are interrupted by the arrival of said Knighties.  
"LaCroix" immediately ushers them over with a big smile 
and orders them a round of Ribena on the house.

This lovely, familial scene is disrupted only slightly 
by the arrival of the evening's entertainment-- a new 
grunge rock band named "Vachon and the Vaqueros."  They 
are greeted with screams of delight by a coterie of 
off-duty Vetter-ans, many of whom are overcome to the 
point of actually fainting away.

The Natpack sighs, shakes its collective heads maternally, 
and goes to tend to the over-excited Vetter-ans.  Meanwhile 
the Reeses-pieces have their hands full keeping the Rat-Pack 
from pickpocketing the unconscious Vetter-ans, while the 
Mercs-- in this new atmosphere of good-natured co-operation-- 
are reduced to stripping for plane fare back home.

Janette, with her faithful Ravenettes in tow, makes a 
dramatic appearance.  Upon viewing the scene before them, 
they all-- with one motion-- turn on their heels and 
disappear without a word for parts unknown.  The Die-Hards, 
upon finding their famous peace-keeping skills completely 
superfluous, agree that the only thing worth coming to 
Toronto at all was for the elaborate spread at the 
FoD/Cohen-head wake.

As the scene closes, we hear cutting through all the ruckus 
a jovial voice from the proprietor, offering us these 
immortal words:

	"Y'all come back now, ya hear?"

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(This travesty brought to you by Buddha Buddha and the 
Vamp-A-Go-Go, makers of "LaCroix Lite.")


Dianne